Feeling I was doing a service to my hubby, taking his very busy schedule in mind, I told him this afternoon, "I'm getting the winter clothes out this week so I'll be washing A LOT! Just wanted to give you the heads up that we'll probably need an extra load of water this week." He said, "Well BABE, you can haul water too!" A little hurt that my consideration was so rudely thwarted and misunderstood I replied, "Well yes, I can. And YOU can wash dishes and clean the toilet too, can't you?"
Silence called a truce.
For those of you who follow my blog, you understand the water situation. Our well has turned out to be seasonal, after ALL THAT! But the well is not the point of this story.
At times in marriage, there tends to be a ping pong argument of who does what, who does more, who makes more, and who's most important. Now be honest, even if silent and never spoken, the subject comes up .... if you're lucky, without a word!
I spent the day today buying winter clothes for Cowboy, grocery shopping, and running errands. My day got a late start because after he said he was headed out to work, my darling hubby came in 2 hours later to announce, "I've been working outside, kinda hanging around and thought maybe you'd have one of your famous omelets made for me." I said, "Ummm, I thought you left, but if you want breakfast I'll cook it for you if you have time to wait." He said, "I guess I could play around with the backhoe a little while longer before I HAVE to leave."
Breakfast made, kid hog tied, bathed, and dragged out to the vehicle in all his reluctant desire to GO yet one more time ..... I finally headed to town just before noon. By the time I got home it was after 3. Having been sick for a few days, the "mom affect" has been absent from my home, therefore leaving it ...... as is. Clothes, paper plates, and glasses littered evident areas while dust, dirt, and smells seemed to seep in and occupy every crack and the most remote crevices that 3200 square feet can offer. Laundry challenged the ceiling and lets not even get started on the plumes of fume in the restroom! I had survived over a hundred hours of hard labor with 4 strapping boys, years of puking, pooping, and countless sleepless nights, yet as I looked upon what awaited me after the ill timed influenza that marked my 46th year of birth, I felt I simply could not go on! And twas at this time I made my very considerate "heads up" announcement to my darling hubby.
Now MY HUBBY, Winston B. Yates .... or Winnie as I call him .... what can be said? All my life has been spent in blissful servitude to children, family, and others. Winnie however, had only ever lived for himself until I met him and we married and began a family. We had lived two totally different lives up until that point. Needless to say, the sparks are gonna fly! God has a way of complimenting you with what will strengthen your weaknesses.
Hours later (truce called), supper was done, dishes washed, and I set to salving my frayed nerves with some baking. There's nothing like combining a little of this and a bit of that, no matter how odd they may seem, to create something tantalizing and delicious. It looks like muck going in, but oh the aroma of the mingling together! As the oddities blend they create a fine result that draws all those about, doing their own thing, thinking their thoughts, and dwelling in their own justifications ... towards the warmth, glow, and unifying smell of agreement. It draws us ......... together.
At some point during my teaching Cowboy how to bake banana bread, I recognized the low hum of the backhoe and realized Winnie was outside working on the pond. Always, always, in percute of doing better, doing more. As I, in the kitchen, fulfilling that long awaited request of banana bread from hubby, and he outside doing his best to better our life .... I felt the unity then. Though apart, separate, it was there. Each doing their part.
I realized yet again, it's not about who does what that keeps us in the ranks. For without each other, if one stood alone, there would be no ranks at all. It's about giving. When we focus not on what we can get or who's job is most important, but rather what I give, what I can do for another (Yes, HIM, your husband) and how I can bless him, and not focus on "look how much I do," or "I do this so much better, or so much more," then that is when we are truly blessed. If each spouse is MORE focused on the needs of the other, there is no lack for either.
So should I run out of water earlier in the week than usual, I'm committed now to fetch it myself. Not because I want to, I HATE hauling water, not because I'm the bigger person, and really, honestly at this point, not entirely just because I want to help my hubby. It's because now I've been convicted. Now I KNOW (or rather I've been reminded) that it's the right thing to do, to take care of HIS needs before my own. To help before it's needed because I know it will cause distress should I request it of him. I'm accountable now and the only thing to do is what I know is right.
Sometimes I really hate that I think this stuff through, ha!
So let us give, and it shall be given. Without thought, expectation, or want, let us give.
